Island Med Student

Please check out this super scary video I just uploaded to YouTube, compliments of Midori, and taken the other night at the hospital.

After I uploaded this video, YouTube was nice enough to automatically show me other videos with the word “Kendra” in them. The first one that came up was of Playboy Bunny, Kendra Wilkinson, doing her “Booty Dance.”

My impression? Cool to see another white chick with the name Kendra! And really? Those are her only booty dance moves? Me being the insane person that I am, and doing anything that I can to avoid studying, I decided to make my own “Kendra’s Booty Dance” movie, in full SNL satirical style. Please keep in mind that I didn’t have her outfit, videographer, lighting, or cool slow camera action techniques, and I literally made this movie in about 2 minutes.

I have no shame!

Kendra Wilkinson’s Booty Dance:

Kendra Campbell’s Booty Dance:

Now that I spend up to three hours a day sitting in a car, I have a lot to say about crappy drivers. I heard a story on NPR recently that DC has the most car accidents per year of any city in America. I also heard that Maryland is launching a new campaign against aggressive drivers, which includes using helicopters to spot these evil offenders.

Without exception, every time I get on the road to drive from Baltimore to DC, or DC to Baltimore, there is at least one butt head that pisses me off to the point of me fantasizing about their demise. I’m not easily pissed off, so this says a lot.

Recently, I’ve experienced people riding my bumper, laying on their horn for me driving slowly during a major thunderstorm, cutting me off and then flicking me off, and many other egregious offenses.

What’s wrong with these people??!! Why can’t we all just get along?!

I have a fantasy that one day horns will be a privilege, and not a right, just like drivers’ licenses. If you abuse your privilege, you should have your car horn removed.

I have another fantasy which involves putting a sign on the roof of my car that says, “if the green light is on, pull over the person in front of me.” I will have a big green light on my roof as well. And when one of those evil butt heads starts driving like a lunatic, I’ll turn on my sweet green light, and the helicopter above will radio down to the police on the road, and they’ll pull over those beeotches.

If all else fails, I’m going to start carrying my large black foam fist in my car, and the next time someone honks at me for obeying the traffic laws, I’m going to stick it out the window in a threatening fashion. That’ll teach those beeotches to honk at me!

A few nights ago I saw Wall E, a Pixar/Disney film. If you haven’t yet seen it, you should! It was a fabulous movie.

The basic plot is that humans managed to destroy Earth, and eventually fled the planet to live in a giant spaceship. The only survivors were the cockroaches (of course!), and a robot that compacts trash into little cubes. The majority of the film is silent, which I found incredibly moving. There is a fantabulous love story, when Wall E meets a another robot sent to Earth to find life.

The best part of the movie is the current plight of humans living on the Spaceship. They have turned into obese, lazy people who float around in flying chairs, eating food from sippy cups, and playing virtual games. I think this is a completely realistic depiction of future humans. To me, this Sci Fi story could absolutely come true someday.

The floating chairs reminded me of something I used to say all the time: “Only humans would create escalators, and then create the stairmaster.” Seriously, think about it…..

Micah, now do you understand why I refuse to stand on those moving walkways in aiports?!! They frighten me! I also avoid escalators and elevators to the best of my ability (unless I have heavy bags, or am going to the 113th floor of a building, etc.) I also believe that “virtual” sports (aka sport video games) are just about the worst idea I can imagine. I understand if you are physically handicapped, and could not otherwise play the actual sport. But seriously, if you have the ability to swing a golf club, for goodness sake, swing it! Using your thumbs to swing a golf club just seems incredibly silly to me.

Come on people, when are we going to get it?!

I was very inspired by Ali’s last post about creating a vision for the future. So, here’s an abbreviated list of my life goals:

1. Finish med school at the top of my class and become a skilled emergency physician/family practitioner/neurosurgeon/pathologist/trauma surgeon/pediatrician. (Perhaps you can see the problem here.)

2. Write a Pulitzer Prize winning book about something very important.

3. Come up with a successful solution to the problem with healthcare in the U.S. and internationally. (Specifically, finding a way to provide affordable universal healthcare to everyone, and at the same time loosen the health insurance and pharmaceutical industries’ grip on our current faltering system, which seems to only make the wealthy even wealthier and sentences the less fortunate to perpetually worsening conditions.)

4. Give birth to 3.5 healthy children and raise them all to be exceptional people, all while continuing medical school and building my career. (This would most likely involve concurrently discovering a way to not require sleep.)

5. Travel to every continent and many different countries on a regular basis (and also learn the language(s) of the various places I visit).

6. Convince the world that a war on “anything” is never a solution, but rather serves to propagate the futile and infantile belief that declaring and “winning” a war is a sane approach to any problem.

7. Run a successful animal adoption society from my farm (which will include many acres of wildlife, and also be situated in a large metropolitan area).

8. Orchestrate the mass destruction of all televisions and convince the world’s population that they would actually be better off without “American Idol” and commercials for drugs that they probably don’t need, but for some reason seem to desire after watching the beautiful lady who started taking the advertised drug suddenly be whisked away to a lush, green field with butterflies and chirping birds (see also #3).

9. Learn as much as possible from those who are much wiser than I.

10. Create a recipe for fat-free and calorie-free peanut butter cheesecake that tastes exactly like the real thing.

Click Here To View the Original Post on Medscape

So, I was sitting here tonight thinking of how many things I love. My friends, my family, good wine, dancing, buddha statues, prune yogurt, etc. And I was going to make a list of all the things I love. But then I realized that it would take a very long time. So, instead I’ve decided to make a list of the top ten things that I don’t love (in no specific order). Here it goes:

1. People who intentionally butt in front of me in line for no apparent reason.

2. Opening up what looks like a perfectly ripe avocado, only to find out that it’s already gone bad.

3. Hangovers.

4. Racist people.

5. Stubbing my toe and losing a toenail.

6. People who are convinced that they are completely correct, and have nothing left to learn in life.

7. Going to sleep when there is so much more fun stuff to stay awake for.

8. Having a background in science and almost two years of medical school under my belt and still not being able to figure out why my vegetable crisper keeps filling up with a greenish-yellow liquid.

9. Mean people.

10. Making lists of things I don’t love. (I just realized that making lists of things that I do love is much easier, and actually more fun.)

I just read this short article about American weddings. It sounds like the kind of stuff I say all the time.

Today’s marriage ceremony is indeed a statement of love: the love of buying things, and, more particularly, buying things that have been personalized to express one’s taste and, so the industry tells us, the essence of who one is. Ahead lie years of that same pursuit (if all goes according to plan). What better pledge (our cynic might ask) of a bond’s longevity than for spouses to discover that they can jointly define the brand right from the get-go?

If I ever do have a wedding, it will probably involve lots of goats and mismatched everything. That might be the only way I could swallow it.

“Hey look, my boob is bigger!”

(Upon noting the swelling of my breast post-op.)

I’ve found that I come up with a lot of random things to say (maybe you’ve noticed). So, I’ve decided to start posting (hopefully) one of my quotes (Kendraisms) everyday. Probably most of you out there won’t give a crap, and they will not help you in anyway. Pretty much the only purpose for this is because I feel like doing it, and because I’ve always wanted to write down my random quotes, but always forget to do it. So, here goes nuttin.

Today’s Kendraism:

“I don’t like using paper towels that make me feel guilty about throwing them away.”

(In reference to the super thick, clothy paper towels that Micah bought.)