I Don’t Want to Be a Doctor Anymore
This is the blog entry that I’ve been thinking about writing for the past few weeks. However, I hesitated composing and publishing my thoughts for the world to read. I was afraid that people would think less of me, and that my friends and family would be very disappointed. But when I first started writing about my medical school experiences online, I promised that I would publish the good, along with the bad. So, I think sharing my honest experiences is ultimately the best way to get things off my chest, and perhaps help other people along the way.
I’ve shared this with very few people, but before entering medical school, I had intentions of pursuing a Ph.D in clinical psychology. I’ve been involved in the world of psychology for quite sometime, and at the time, it seemed like a very good fit for me. So, I took the GRE (Graduate Record Examination), and applied to around seven different clinical psychology Ph.D programs. I thought that I had a fairly decent chance of getting into at least one, as I had extensive research and clinical experience in psychology, good GRE scores, and all kinds of volunteer and extra-curricular work on my resume. However, much to my disappointment, I didn’t get a single offer from any of the programs. This was a huge blow to my self-esteem, and I didn’t take the experience lightly.
Eventually, I came to believe that being turned down by the psychology programs was some type of sign. Perhaps I was simply not meant to pursue this path in life. But if not this path, then what was I meant to do? During college, I had also seriously entertained the idea of going to medical school. In fact, I had taken all the required pre-med courses, as well as the MCAT (Medical College Admissions Test). After a thorough evaluation of all my options, I decided that the med school path was in fact what I was meant to do.
Now, I’m in my third year of med school. I’ve done pretty well thus far, and I even have an inkling of what type of speciality I would like to pursue. My educational debt is growing alarmingly close to $200,000. My friends and family are all excited to begin calling me Dr. Campbell, and my graduation date is set for fifteen months down the road. But right now, I don’t really want to become a doctor of medicine.
Many of you reading this right now may be wondering why the heck I’m all of a sudden doubting my commitment to medicine. I wish I could give you a concrete answer. But the truth is, I really don’t know why. It might be due to the recent lack of patient encounters. It might have something to do with the fact that I’ve been going through a lot of life stressors recently. Or maybe it’s because I’ve just not really felt challenged lately. I really can’t pinpoint an actual cause.
Yesterday, I started searching online for psychology Ph.D programs. I did some research to figure out how I would handle my monumental amount of debt, should I decide to drop out of med school. I’m seriously considering my other options in life.
Is it possible that all this is just some phase that I’m going through? Yes, definitely. In fact, I’m wondering just how common these types of thoughts are. Is this just something that most students go through? When I look around at other med students, they all seem so confident to me. I never hear them talking about doubting their decision to go to med school. Everyone just seems to be so satisfied with their decision. But I wonder how much of this is just a facade. Is it typical to have these thoughts at some point in your medical education, or am I all alone on this one?
Click Here To View the Original Post on Medscape
My name is Kendra and I am a newly minted doctor about to begin my residency in Psychiatry at 
Don’t give up. Your too good to give up. Gail had her moments of doubt while she was in grad school. We are all pulling for you…
Please remember that you can still choose not to practice medicine after you get your M.D. if that is what you want, but you can’t if you don’t finish. Especially after coming this far and being so close…wouldn’t you rather have that option? I KNOW you can do it, you just have to get the “WILL” in place! With your drive and determination, I think you would also wish you had if you don’t
Kendra i clicked on this posting and want you to know that you have something that not many people have and that is the ability to communicate successfully with others. I am planning on attending Ross and and come from a line of doctors and other health care professionals. I have seen many physicians that can’t communicate and get on the patient level. I want you to know something that you already probably know and that is that you are bright, honest, and have more integrity than most. I know I have never met you but you need to know that just by the website people can see how special you really are. Hit me up by email and I can tell you more about why giving up medicine isn’t just a disjustice to you but to the people that may never get a chance to meet someone of you caliber.
ln1054@yahoo.com. Look forward to speeking with you and always remember you are something special.
Don’t give up Kendra. You are too close to give up. Just like what the others have posted, finish it and decide after. It’s always good to have something to fall back on. Medicine is a very demanding field, and you do get burnt out. I am in my second year of medical school right now, and there are days when I ask myself why am I here?
Just to elaborate, I was a nurse before I went to medical school, and I hated Nursing school then. I did it because of my parents (i know it sounds so wrong), but I finished it anyway because of their advice. I eventually fell in love with Nursing when I was working in ICU, but my passion for Medicine never went away. My point is that I don’t regret going into Nursing before medical school. At least now I have something to fall back on. Medicine is such a great career, you can take a PhD after if that is your heart’s desire, but at least you won’t have any regrets with just one more year to finish. Hang in there!
Kendra,
I’m a mother who put a daughter and niece through college and watched many others go through and I can say that it is very common to want to bail at the end of a rigorous academic endeavor. Life is like that also, there is a sabotage factor that kicks in when we’re just worn out and it finds all the reasons NOT to go forward — you will be tested with this many times in your life. Don’t let this happen = finishing does not limit your options, just increases them. Don’t live a life that piles up regrets – Go for it. Do it for YOU.
A mother in Tulsa, OK
Wow, I can’t believe this. You probably won’t believe this either, but I am an Island medical student as well, in my 2nd semester [with just 2 more semesters to go before clinicals] and I too am having feelings of wanting to back out of this completely. For the past few weeks I’ve been crying daily, while trying to study at the same time, most times I just sit and wish I didn’t make the choice to come here, but my parents encouraged me to come. Now i’m afraid to make the decision to drop out for fear of letting them down. But something inside of me is really turned off of this career path, and I do not know why.
I was just here reading and decided to type “I don’t want to be a doctor anymore” into google, not really expecting anything to come up, and your blog was the 2nd option to come up, I didn’t know there were other med students out there feeling the way I did. I look around in my class and everybody else is just sooo happy to be here studying medicine and then I look within myself and think, where is the passion and zeal towards this that is suppose to keep me going? I really don’t know what to do, so I’m sorry that I cannot give you better advice, but i just want to thank you for sharing your testimony/feelings regardless of your fears and doubts. It’s better to know that your not the only one feeling a certain way, especially about something as life changing as Med school.
I just quit Ross yesterday after 3 month, I talked to recent grad who is waiting for match and he opened up my eyes. He knows a lot of people who not only quit in 3rd and 4th but who quit in residency. I don’t think this is just a facade. I think you been thinking about this for some time but money issue was holding you back since you are deep already. Imaging going through even more debt because of this and realizing you should have stopped when you could. 200k is nothing considering you have a long life ahead of you. Think about it carefully and if you trurely feel medicine is not for you anymore, for god sake don’t just do it cause you feel you are in too deep.
Ps. I followed your post over some time and you doing great job.
I never felt the way you are feeling in medical school, but am now. I finished med school, had a hard time deciding what residency to pursue, but chose IM. In my first few months I was miserable and wanted to quit, but same as you, $300,000 in debt told me I HAD to work as a physician. Through support of very good residency friends, family and hometown friends I made it through and surprisingly enough I thought I wanted to sub-specialize. I got into a competitive fellowship, b/c as I’m learning about myself, if I set a goal, I WILL make it happen. I was happy my first few months, but then it went downhill. I am halfway through my fellowship, but I hate my job/ training/ work life. I have been torturing myself trying to figure out what I want out of life, i.e. career, lifestyle, home life.
I don’t have any profound answers to your predicament, but I have to tell you that you have to really and honestly look at what you want out of life. My med school friends who really knew this are very happy with their careers and life, while I am still trying to figure it out and am very unhappy. You have to consider lifestyle. Physicians do not have great lifestyles no matter what specialty you go into. You have to sacrifice a lot get anywhere in this field. The debt is what it is. If you don’t finish or don’t practice medicine, depending on what career you would choose, you probably will be paying on that debt for the next 20-30 years… a house mortgage you will never be able to live in…
Just as everyone said, finish what you started, accomplish that goal, & decide after what other path or turn in your life you would like to commit to. I myself have graduated as a certified Medical Assistant; I got hired at a Pulmonologist office but there was drama there? I mean, staff bad talking patients, degrading other staff members and Drug reps. Just crazy, I then turned down the job, if the real world is really like this, I don’t see whats so “real” about it. I’ve always had a passion to have Dr. in front of my name, but now I’m more along of confused. I apologize that doesn’t help much, but I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels the urge to turn away.
I don’t have any advice like the above posters. I just wanted to say that I share your feelings somewhat. I graduated from med school. I have my degree. All throughout the 4 years I’ve really come to the understanding that I really do not want to be a doctor. There are many elements of the medical field that, after I’ve become familiar to them, completely turn me off to the field: the insurance shite (jesus crist), the whole business aspect of the field, the personalities of the people in the field, government’s policies, and most importantly the lifestyle (16-hour-shift rotations the 2nd month of my 3rd year. I lost like 20 pounds. I was so gung ho about it too beforehand. But I was with a 5th year resident, and she’s been going thru that for 5 years AFTER med school. It was at the end of that rotation that I said to myself: I’m through with this shit). I went into medicine because it was something that I knew was good at and it was a huge part familial pressure (we have a tradition of medicine in the family, so to speak). But I quickly lost the motivation when I found out that 1) the personality of practically everyone in pursuit of medicine was the antithesis of who I am. Which was fine but I just don’t want a career with people I don’t want to work with. And 2) I really didn’t care for treating people. It just doesn’t interest me. I loved learning about the science behind it all, but the clinical practice….I could care less about. People found surgery to be intriguing and exhilarating, for me it was a bore that amounted to watching the grass grow. Right now I have no idea what paths to follow, yet. But I’ve finally decided not to continue. My family is pissed. But I can’t imagine a duller life if I were to continue in something I have absolutely no passion for. I felt so imprisoned during the last 2 years in med school doing things that I hated and seeing people disgustingly gun and shmoosh attendings…..and some, not all, of said attendings had personalities that consistently induced me to engage in mental face-palming. There are many great people in the field, but also a great many douchebags who don’t in actuality know what they’re talking about. I know people like that exist in every field, but in medicine they come with the special brand of snobbery that can only come with the specific status an MD degree endows. i.e.: look at me and don’t argue because “I save lives.” I don’t want my life to be planned out. I don’t want to know exactly how many years I’ll be in a particular residency, or the exact way of transition from that to my own practice (a life of counting how many referrals I get). That is completely not me. I’m also glad that I’m not the only one who feels the urge to turn away. And it’s better sooner than later. You don’t want to be trapped in a life that suffocates you.
I’m still contemplating a career in medicine as a physician. I’ve taken a few science classes and enjoyed a few aspects of them. But lately this second semester feels totally BLAND.
Chemistry is really getting to me since im taking a heavier workload… I haven’t even recieved my associates degree yet, but i feel as though i’m trapped as far as career choices. I was planning on transferring to a 4 yr university to study classes that would prep me for med school. College is expensive and i feel pressured to make a decision before I graduate and get a loan for the 4 yr univ… Plus i still live at home so i feel as though i need to have my career made up ASAP.
Also, I have a true passion for music and writing but it seems like its difficult to be discovered nowadays. I didnt major in music because I felt as though they would only give me info that i could find on my own. Also I’ve been told that i have a voice for it
Im going across the mapp here,but only certain aspects of medicine really intrigue me such as how diet affects the human body, nervous system,and skeletal… it seems as though my interest should be in all of it if it is meant for me to truly survive medical school/career.
Any advice?