Island Med Student

Now that I spend up to three hours a day sitting in a car, I have a lot to say about crappy drivers. I heard a story on NPR recently that DC has the most car accidents per year of any city in America. I also heard that Maryland is launching a new campaign against aggressive drivers, which includes using helicopters to spot these evil offenders.

Without exception, every time I get on the road to drive from Baltimore to DC, or DC to Baltimore, there is at least one butt head that pisses me off to the point of me fantasizing about their demise. I’m not easily pissed off, so this says a lot.

Recently, I’ve experienced people riding my bumper, laying on their horn for me driving slowly during a major thunderstorm, cutting me off and then flicking me off, and many other egregious offenses.

What’s wrong with these people??!! Why can’t we all just get along?!

I have a fantasy that one day horns will be a privilege, and not a right, just like drivers’ licenses. If you abuse your privilege, you should have your car horn removed.

I have another fantasy which involves putting a sign on the roof of my car that says, “if the green light is on, pull over the person in front of me.” I will have a big green light on my roof as well. And when one of those evil butt heads starts driving like a lunatic, I’ll turn on my sweet green light, and the helicopter above will radio down to the police on the road, and they’ll pull over those beeotches.

If all else fails, I’m going to start carrying my large black foam fist in my car, and the next time someone honks at me for obeying the traffic laws, I’m going to stick it out the window in a threatening fashion. That’ll teach those beeotches to honk at me!