I’ve been thinking over the past few days about whether I wanted to share something personal with the world, and I’ve finally decided that I do, because it might help remind med students and physicians to remember what it feels like to be a patient. A few days ago I found a lump in my breast. For the first few seconds after I found it, I completely forgot all medical knowledge that I’ve ever learned. I immediately concluded that I had breast cancer and wondered how I would ever be able to deal with that. Thankfully, after a few moments of freaking out, I started remembering what I knew. I realized that I didn’t have any history of breast cancer in my family, and that I am only 28, which means that statistically speaking, my chances of having cancer were pretty low. After the initial shock wore off, I told myself that it was likely just a harmless cyst, and that I would be okay.
But I happened to find the lump at a very inopportune time. It was the Friday before my big exam on Monday. I knew that I’d have to try and not think about it, and instead focus my energy towards studying for the exam. I told myself to ignore the lump until Monday afternoon, and then I’d deal with making an appointment.
Surprisingly, I managed to not think about the lump too much over the weekend. But when Monday came, I hurriedly made an appointment at our health clinic to have the doctor take a look at it. On Wednesday, I walked into the clinic for my appointment. I was on the patient side of things for the first time in a while. I ended up having to sit in the waiting room for almost two hours before I finally saw the doctor. I tried to study as I waited, but my mind was simply too distracted.
The doctor was very pleasant, and as she took my history, I thought about her skills as a physician. We started learning about taking histories last semester, so I paid close attention to the questions she asked and how she worded them. I’d say she did a pretty good job, though there were a few more relevant questions that I would have asked.
When it came time for the physical exam, I took off my shirt and lay down so that she could examine me. As I lay there completely exposed, I thought about all of my future patients, and how they might feel to be in that vulnerable position. Halfway through the exam, the doctor’s cell phone rang. I was shocked to see her answer it with one hand, and continue examining me with the other! I’d like to think that I’d never do that to a patient, as it made me feel very strange and as though she really wasn’t paying much attention to me.
My doctor noted the size and position of the lump, and then decided to do a CBC and ESR, and have me schedule a sonogram at a doctor’s office on the other side of the island. I thanked her, and made an appointment to have my blood drawn the next day by the nurse.
I’ve since done my research and realized that the lump is most likely something harmless, but the chance still exists that it’s not. Most of the fear has passed, and I’ve decided that no matter what happens, I can definitely deal with it. But I can’t help but wonder what an average patient would feel like right now. My doctor didn’t really educate me on what the lump most likely was, but I think that might be because she assumed that as a medical student (even though I’m only in my first year), I was probably capable of doing my own research and understanding the various risks. However, in the past, before I was in medical school, I’ve dealt with doctors who failed to really explain anything to me. I realize now just how important it is.
When I eventually become a physician, I hope to be able to effectively educate my future patients about their risks, various procedures, lab results, and everything else. I know that a little bit of information can go a long way towards allaying the fears of a patient. And when I ask them to undress for their physical exam, I will remember how vulnerable and scary it feels to be the one on the other side of the examining table.
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My name is Kendra and I am a newly minted doctor about to begin my residency in Psychiatry at 
