Island Med Student

Okay, so I’m going to come right out and admit that I have committed many crimes in my life. It’s true. However, there is one crime that I’ve been committing a few times a week for the past few months. I knew it was illegal, and yet I did it anyway.

So, what is this horrific crime that I am guilty of committing?

I take my dogs to the park.

That’s right, I take my dogs to the park when no one else is around. I wait until it’s really early or really late or really crappy weather. When the park is completely empty, I close the entrances, let my dogs off their leashes, and play frisbee and fetch with them for about 20 minutes. Then I put them back on their leashes and leave the park.

I’m a very bad person.

Okay, so there are signs posted outside the park saying “No Dogs Allowed.” I know it’s illegal, but I do it anyway. Here is my super self-serving rationalizations as to why it’s okay for me to commit this victim-less crime.

1) No one else is in the park, so it’s not like I’m disturbing anyone.
2) I do a thorough job of cleaning up any poop, if it happens (including my own).
3) There are no other legal places to let my dogs run around, (at least not anywhere close by) so if I want them to get good exercise, this is my only option.

I JUST wrote a post earlier today about how much I love playing in playgrounds. Wouldn’t you know it, right after writing that post, I was hit with a huge slap of irony in the face.

I took my dogs to the playground (the rest of the park is closed for the winter) so they could run around. It’s yucky and cold outside. No one was around.

Except two cops who happened to drive by.

To make a long story short? I was given three summons to appear in court. I apparently broke three NYC laws:

1) “Disobey Park Rules (No Dogs Allowed)” (Yeah, I didn’t get the grammar, either.)
2) “Unleashed Dogs in Public” (This sounds like the name of a “Dogs Gone Wild” porn.)
3) “Disobey Park Rules (Adult Without Child)” (??)

Okay, I totally understand the first two tickets. Yes, I broke the doggy laws, and I should have to pay the price. But what about the third one?

When the officer told me that I wasn’t allowed to be in the park without a child, I almost swallowed my gum. WHAT?!

Her reply:
“M’aam, there are all kinds of crimes around here. Prostitutes are soliciting sex.”

My reply:
“OH, so you think I am a prostitute?!”

Her reply:
“Well, you never can tell.”

Okay, so 2 very hilarous observations here.

1) If I WAS a prostitute soliciting sex, I am probably the worst one that I’ve ever seen. I was wearing sweatpants, a hooded sweatshirt, and a ball cap. I also had two dogs and a guy with me. I seriously need to go back to prostitute school.

2) What about prostitutes who are soliciting sex, and who bring their kids along? So, I guess that is completely legal?!

Okay, so now it’s time for the “Lessons Learned Today”:

1) The next time I take Scope and Molly to the park, I need to first disguise them as children.
2) Sweatpants, sweatshirts, ball caps, and dogs are apparently considered “hooker outfits” in NYC.
3) If you’re going to solicit sex in a park in NYC, bring your kids (or other people’s kids) with you, to avoid getting a ticket and summons to appear in court.