Island Med Student

My last post involved a little bit of me ranting about losing my study groove. Well, I’m happy and proud to say that I think I finally found it again. I actually did end up putting on a festive outfit and joining in the Carnival activities. Dancing with my friends turned out to be exactly what I needed that night. But the next few days I continued to be in somewhat of a slump. I started questioning my dedication to medicine, and even my dedication to myself.

Yesterday morning, I worked at the outpatient Ob/Gyn clinic at the local hospital. I had the opportunity to interview a few patients, and then got to observe an abdominal and pelvic exam on a few pregnant patients. Talking with the women, and learning about their pregnancies and their lives, really sparked my interest. These women are bringing human beings into the world. And my input has the possibility of making an impact on both the mother and child’s lives. As the attending physician starting pimping me on complications due to the mother’s uncontrolled diabetes, I felt an energy welling up inside me. I really did care, and I really wanted to answer her questions correctly. It wasn’t a multiple-choice question on an exam. It was a question that affected the outcome of someone’s life.

That afternoon, we had a clinical skills review session with a doctor from the hospital. I could tell that he loves being a physician, as well as being a teacher. His energy and enthusiasm were quite contagious. He really cares about his patients, and has a burning passion for medicine. He taught me new ways of thinking about patient care, and explained “why” we perform certain exams in certain ways. Before yesterday, I don’t think I really understood the “why” portion of some of the exams. But as he explained the techniques, a huge, brilliant light bulb lit up above my head, and I could hear the angels’ chorus. It finally all started to click. Moments like that are what got me interested in medicine in the first place.

So, as you can tell by now, yesterday was a good day. I can feel the fire burning inside me yet again. I remember why I wanted to pursue this crazy field called medicine. I have the energy and motivation to study, and to improve my clinical skills. I actually feel like it’s a privilege to be on the path towards becoming a physician. I really want to change the world. Of course, none of this has anything to do with the fact that I had espresso yesterday and coffee this morning! (And some of you said that caffeine was bad!)

In reality, I know that I am back in my groove. In my last post, I also mentioned my view of the Caribbean Sea from my balcony. It is in fact completely and utterly gorgeous. The last time I looked out at the view, I was inspired to go join the Carnival revelers. Now that I have my study groove back, I’m inspired to go down to campus and catch up on my lectures. The same view inspired completely different actions on different days. I think it’s because true inspiration is not generated from things external, but rather is something that comes from within. Or perhaps external events provide the kindling for the fire that’s always burning inside. And on two different days, the view from my balcony helped to light two different fires.

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