Island Med Student

Yesterday was my last day of employment at the Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC). I am officially jobless and will be so for the next four years. I just realized that this is the first time I’ve been unemployed since I started my first job when I was fourteen as a tour guide at Luray Caverns. It’s a very foreign feeling; knowing that I don’t have to go to work on Monday and that I don’t have a paycheck on the way.

Friday night I went out with some of my friends from work and after having a few drinks, we walked out into Dupont Circle to head back towards home. As we walked through the circle, I heard the melodic sounds of a tuba and knew that there was a band playing. As we got closer, I realized that a New Orleans style jazz band was playing, and that it was the same band that I’d seen about one year ago.

The music was so entrancing that I was immediately drawn to it and began dancing to the jazzy inspirations. My friends Laura and Dav joined me and we ended up dancing energetically for about an hour to the music. There was a crowd of onlookers listening to the music and watching us three dance, and by the end of their playing, I was completely soaked in sweat. I danced my heart and soul out and apparently also my shoeless feet until they were bloody.

This morning as I pondered over last night’s events, I realized how powerful music and dancing were for me. I am compelled and inspired by good music. I simply can’t resist dancing to a good beat. Music is my aesthetic impetus and dance is my instrument.

Tonight as I sat on my balcony, my boyfriend Micah began playing my guitar. Immediately the chords coming from the guitar provoked me, but this time to write. I began thinking about my years at the AAMC. Almost four years ago I quit my job at the state psychiatric hospital to work at the AAMC. My biggest reason was a monetary one. I was moving out of the house that I’d lived in with my boyfriend at the time, and I needed a job that paid enough to cover my rent and bills. Working at the hospital didn’t cut it, so I got a job with a higher salary at the AAMC. I knew when I took the job that it wasn’t what I wanted to ultimately do with my life, as it involved mostly sitting at a computer and working with data, but I saw it as an excellent opportunity to learn about academic medicine and make a better living.

I did learn a lot at the AAMC about medicine, research and academia, but I also learned that a desk job is not for me. While I treasure having had the opportunity to work for such a unique and influential organization, my experiences at the AAMC confirmed to me that I am much more satisfied working with people than with computers.

The reason I never felt completely satisfied at the AAMC is because I lacked the passion for my job. Passion is an amazing motivator. Just as my passion for music inspires me to dance, my passion for positively affecting people’s lives inspires me to work in medicine.

One of the most exceptional lessons that I’ve learned thus far in my life is that without passion, inspiration dies, and without inspiration, dreams also die. Too many people end up not pursuing their passions out of fear. Fear immobilizes. Fear prevents so many people from being happy and realizing their actual potential. People settle for jobs and lives because they are afraid to pursue the unknown. I became comfortable at the AAMC, and at one point was so afraid of taking the jump to medical school that I decided that it was a goal that I’d never achieve. Luckily, however, I eventually overcame my fear.

I must pursue my passion. I know there will be obstacles, and I know that I’m taking a risk jumping into something that may be so challenging that I’ll end up failing. The possibility exists. I might not ever become a doctor. But if I don’t give it everything I’ve got, if I don’t persevere my passion with every ounce of my strength, I will forever regret allowing fear to win. I have decided to let go of everything safe in my life: my job, my home, my friends, and my family. I’m moving to another country to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor. The only thing that I do know for sure is that however my story unfolds, at least I will be able to look back and know that I didn’t succumb to fear, and instead I followed my passion.